The Edge of the Horizon

To be standing at the edge,
To the horizon looking out,
With uncertain ease I face this empty space.
The blurring of boundaries before me;
Not knowing where the present ends and the future begins.
The question that hovers do I jump into the unknown, with the freedom and the fear of free falling out of control or to travel down the route I came, back to the despondent dissonance of being not where I am meant to be?
There seems to be an answer to this question that is making its self known. A way that could be solution to what I am, the place I am to be.
Yet will the answer that you want to be be nothing more than flight of fancy?

So I remain, for now, standing at the edge of the horizon.

Love Them

To be in the world with those who scheme and scam.
Not to give in to their ways or become like them.
Hold no anger for them; to have only love for them
To love them as we are loved, with one true abounding love.
To pour out love on them; love that is everlasting; that knows no limits.

A Confession Cont' Update

I've had an email for her asking for help with the cost of the travel. I'm not surprised. I've had a nagging feeling that something was not right about all this for a while. So today I decided to do some (albeit brief) research into scams. It looks like someone (who I don't know) is trying a romance scam. I emailed her with a like to a romance scam, saying I now cautious. I'm not expecting a reply back. The pictures I was sent of her show a really attractive person; however, I got the pictures nearly every email I received from whoever it was. I don't know if the person in the picture is involved or not.
Either way, I'm breaking contact from whoever it is as from today. Releif at last!!!

A Confession Con't

The person I had started to get to know from the Internet, there's a part of me that still wants to meet her to get to know her better.
There's also another part of me that, as cynical as this may be, wonders who I'm really in contact with, and why? I shouldn't be like that I know, yet there is something about the emails that has left me cautious. If I never heard from her again, I wouldn't mind. I never really expected or wanted to get anything out of it, if I did it would be a bonus. In all, I choose to be optimistic about it all, whatever happens.

A Confession

I have made contact with someone through the internet. I was on a not so well known social network when she left a message. She was one of several who made contact. What caught my attention about her was she was unassuming in her message, that if I wanted to chat to contact her. It was some weeks before I contacted her. Turns out she’s Russian. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve never known any Russians before. I’m not really sure why I made contact or what I was expecting to get out of it. As it is she is after a serious relationship. I am glad that I’ve been getting to know her, though she is more serious about it than I am right now.
She’s making arrangements to come and visit and I can’t say I’m not looking forward to meeting her. I am pleased she is. Yet I don’t know what I can do for her. I don’t have the heart for where I live; I don’t know where I am supposed to be or belong.
How can I show some one around place that I don’t have the heart for? One thing I do not want to do is hurt her, she doesn’t deserve that. I probably care more than I realise. It is not helping that I’ve not told anyone about her, like the fool that I am.

Father God, HELP! I’ve screwed up again and have. Please give me the wisdom and strength to do what is right. Not my will but yours. Please, also, would you give me some confirmation of what I’m supposed to do and the eyes to see it and the heart to act on it. Thank you.

To start something, without any seriousness, not knowing where it will lead; only for it to become more serious than you can ever imagine. Yet to continue with it out of curiosity to see where it will ultimately lead and because it may just be the answer you were looking for. The answer, resolution to the quiet discontent that was nagging away in some dark corner of your spirit, that you are not where you are supposed to be. The maintaining with what you’ve always been doing knowing just that – it is what you do, and not what you are or where you fit because you don’t know what you’re supposed to be or do because you. Or it might be an escape from the routine of the day to day life.

Dreams

Every one dreams, whether they remember them or not is another matter. And occasionally the dream is weird. This is nothing new. Yet to have three weird dreams in the course of 5 nights last week and to remember them has left me knowing what to make of it.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year.

First blog of the new year and the first day back at work. I can't say that I'm not glad that 2008 is gone, when it wasn't the best of years, and not just for me. Yet the promise of a new year lays ahead.